Giving in and smiling

It's hard for me to construct coherent (much less witty) sentences at the moment. My body and mind have fought the shift to a schedule that has me hitting the ground running at noon, and crawling into bed around 5 a.m. I don't get up any later than 8 a.m. even on weekends, 9 maybe; it's a rule. Now my alarm clock goes off at 11 a.m. and I struggle to resist the snooze button.

I want to be able to function in both worlds; the adult "normal" world that gets up at 6, goes to the studio, goes to the market, takes walks and cooks dinner--and the world that has me coaxing people to be movie extras, making sandwiches out of the trunk of my car, and lands me in unknown locations that I must instantly become comfortable with and be able to change.

But it's okay; I can give in, put one aside and simply enjoy the moments and details that make this filmmaking world strangely beautiful. Two nights ago I dreamt that, in a state of uncertain panic, I was gently being calmed and assured that I could do this--give in, open up, live this life with all its eccentricities. Since then the recognition of those small, perfect details has come more easily than ever before; moments of zen.

-waking up in daylight to the cozy sound of a lazy rain, a gentle breeze washing through the window, green leaves my first sight as I open my eyes.
-the strange beauty of an enormous abandoned factory.
-a peaceful room below a pounding dance floor.
-problem-solving giving birth to creative and constructive solutions.
-a street through "the projects" flowing with kids, neighbors, crew, camera equipment; absent of anxiety.
-children's easy trust.
-people never seen or known before offering words of encouragement and praise for our efforts.
-fresh strawberries.
-ridiculous and hilarious cell phone rings.
-eyes lit up in surprise, and smiles of contentment, when sweet treats are revealed in the wee hours of a long night.
-exhaustion turning to easy laughter and seemingly any comment.
-being around people who work without pay because, even though they are tired, hungry, uncomfortable... they love what they do.